Howard Stern secretly replaced Obama’s policies and replaced them with McCain. Will the staunch supporters be able to tell the difference? Let’s find out…
All of the information via television, radio, internet, and newspapers. All the debate watching, the pundits, the bloggers, the wikipedia entries, the campaigning, the good and not so good ads, the parodies on SNL, all this and even more – NULLIFIED BY YOUR IGNORANCE! WHY DO WE EVEN BOTHER VOTING? NO WONDER THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE IS THE REAL CLINCHER IN THIS AND EVERY ELECTION!
People! When are we going to start learning on our own!!!
Tonight will seriously sway many people’s decisions on who will be running the country in the next four years. As important as Obama and McCain are, one cannot help but know that these VP candidates have a higher than normal probability of running this country. With so much at stake, surely there are a lot of new faces in politics that have decided to stop their daily routines and focus on the next 90 minutes between Palin and Biden.
TRANSCRIPT: “I think there’s a really good chance that Sarah Palin could be president, and I think that’s a really scary thing because I don’t know anything about her. I don’t think in eight weeks I’ll know anything about her.
[Uh HELLO? Since McCain announced her as her running mate – nearly TWO WEEKS AGO, the media has gone into a frenzy trying to answer the very question you and the rest of this country wanted to know! Have you not picked up a paper? Read the news online? Talk to a fellow human being? Where were you Damon? Hiding under a rock?! Oh wait, it appears that you were in the parental bliss of being a father to your newborn baby girl on August 20th. Congratulations! Now that you’ve decided to come out of the baby bubble and join the rest of the society, how’s about catching up on your news facts before allowing the AP to get a sound bite you deemed important. I remember when my son was born, my wife thought I was a complete moron for weeks from the lack of rest and euphoria that comes with being a parent.]
I know that she was mayor of a really, really small town and she’s been governor of Alaska for less than two years. I think the pick was made for political purposes but in terms of governance it’s a disaster.
[OK, Matt, let’s look at the numbers. Wasilla, AK, according to 2007 estimates, has a population of nearly 10,000 people. Your current residence of Miami has almost 410,000. Almost 41 times more people. Most of those 10,000 Wasillians probably know Sarah Palin on a more personal level than your neighbors probably do at your own block! She was there everyday being the mayor FOR TWO TERMS! You’ve been out of town making movies and when you were home, you were hopefully attending to your family, right?
So now that we’ve established Wasilla, AK is a small, small town, let’s keep looking at the numbers.After Wasilla, she tried to be lietenant governor and was unable to get elected. Did she stop? Nope, Palin then shook things up within her own party as Ethics Supervisor AND if that wasn’t a good stopping point, she went ahead and ran for governor AND WON! You don’t take a whizz in your party’s pool and still win the governorship! Did your “in the know” neighbors already tell you this? Did you read about it online? Based on your transcript, sounds like a resounding ,”no”.]
If you do the actuary tables, there’s a 1 out of 3 chance – if not more – that McCain doesn’t survive his first term and it’ll be President Palin. (You know) we were just talking about it earlier. Its like a really bad Disney movie. You know, the hockey mom (saying) “Oh, I’m just a hockey mom from Alaska!” And she’s the president! and its like, she’s facing down Vladimir Putin (using the) folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. Its just absurd. Its totally absurd and I don’t understand why more people aren’t talking about how absurd it is. Its a really terrifying possibility. The fact that we’ve gotten this far…and we’re that close to this becoming a reality…is ….crazy. Crazy. I mean, did she, I mean I really need to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago. That’s an important…I wanna know that, I really do. Because she’s gonna have the nuclear codes. You know, I wanna know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago. Or if she banned books, or tried to ban books. I mean, this is…this is…we can’t have that.”
[When Vice President Dick Cheney was experiencing all of his health issues during his term in office, why didn’t I hear about how great it potentially was that Nancy Pelosi was the runner up for the Office of President? Oh but, Matt, aren’t you that familiar about the U.S. Presidential Line of Succession? I would have loved the discussion about Pelosi, mother of five, grandmother of seven, facing Putin with her getting warm and fuzzy with the nuke codes. And where did Damon come from by making the reference to dinosaurs?! What does that have to do with leading the country and having access to the nuclear codes?! And what about the banning of books? This ain’t the 1940’s or 2000 B.C., get in the now and stay out of the political limelight and finish up your education that you haven’t completed at Harvard!]
There’s nothing that bugs me more than entertainers who come crawling out of their little sheltered rich hovels and decide to voice their politics and their (ahem) wisdom upon the masses before going back to their posh abodes. Why the Associated Press decided to let this little creature roam the tubes can only be incendiary. Do they honestly believe that Matt Damon’s political viewpoints are considered newsworthy for the public to engage watercooler talk? I’d like to see the AP wander into gangland cities of this country and interview the thoughts and political concerns of their organized leaders. Why not? They’re more in tune with the American community than the A, B, C, or D-listers that travel the world to exotics shoots and walk the red carpets with their bodyguards and entourages!
Hello! We should make an appearance on SNL to boost our ratings as well as theirs. Whaddya say?
You’ve got to admit that John McCain has a hilarious sense of humor. He’s made appearances at SNL before so why not have the trifecta done twice? Here’s the skit I’m envisioning.
Setting: In a laboratory that’s in a dark dungeon. Tesla coils in the background. A gurney in the center of the room with a body covered completely in a white sheet.
McCain: [Dressed in white lab coat on the phone] Yes, tell them to come in.
[Enter McCain’s future appointed cabinet and wife Cindy, dresssed in lab coat as well]
McCain: Welcome my minions. I’ve gathered you here today to witness my ultimate secret weapon that will garantee us the White House. Muahahahahaha!
McCain cabinet: Muahahahaha!
McCain: SILENCE! Mrs. McCain, you may bring him in now.
[Enter Barack Obama, eyes blindfolded as he walks in front of McCain and his cabinet. His blindfold is removed.]
Obama: What’s the meaning of this? John!? What are you and your staff doing here? Why did you bring me here? I thought we were going to have a photo op at the golf course?
McCain: Something stinks, B.O. and it’s this election. You’ve been gathering momentum as the months have gone by and it’s time that I take matters into my own hands. You see, I’m going to win this election and it will be done in such a way, you will be rendered helpless in your desperate attempts to overthrow me! Muahahahaha!
Obama: [looking bored] John, John, John. Once a snowball rolls down the mountain, it only picks up more speed and cannot be stopped. You’ve been coasting all this time but it’s my turn to drive. The American people are going to vote for me. You can’t convince them otherwise!
McCain: Really? You don’t think this old fart’s got a few more hands to play? Watch and learn from someone who’s been around the block a few more times. Behold! My ticket to the White House!
[McCain dramatically rolls away the white sheet once draped over the gurney as it tilts forward revealing the identity. The woman revealed has a frozen, disconnected look on her face.]
Obama: [still unimpressed] John, what’s Tina Fey doing under the sheet? Is this another one of those $10,000 a plate celebrity fundraisers? So where’s the buffet line start. I am getting a bit hungry.
McCain:Muahahahaha! See, you are even fooled at close range! Muahahaha!
Obama:[looking puzzled] What are you talking about?
McCain: It’s all part of my plan, B.O. Thanks to the advancements scientists have made in cloning, I’ve decided to clone Tina Fey and turn her into… [dum, dum, dum music plays….] your next Vice President of the United States! Meet Sarah Palin, current governor of Alaska!
Dimplemonkey 